Pier’s flat was toasty, despite the frigid weather.  The flame in the hearth illuminated the room in a cozy warm glow.  The blanket shared with Piers, as well as his body holding hers, were extra sources of protection against the cold, but they didn’t thaw the chilling, numb feeling within Annais’s heart.

She did the best she could for him, for Marnie.  They were enjoying the holiday and the fact that she was with them this year.  Piers was more festive (and traditional) than Annais would have expected.  He got a little tree for the three of them to decorate.  He sang carols as he baked cookies that he wanted Annais to decorate (while arguing with her that they were called ‘biscuits’).  He insisted no one touch the presents until tomorrow.

At that moment, the television was playing some of the holiday classics he wanted to see.  He held Annais tight as he watched the old films.  Her eyes looked towards the screen, but Annais’s mind was elsewhere.  It was back home in Carolus, where she desperately wished she could be with her family.  It had been a year since she last saw them, and she missed her parents more than anything.  She had called her father earlier in the day, multiple times in fact, but he didn’t answer.  She chalked it up to the time difference, and the fact that they were certainly entertaining her grandparents, aunts, and their families.  Still, she clung to her phone, hoping to at least talk to him if she couldn’t see him.

Annais’s sorrow wasn’t verbalized.  She forced a smile and played along.  She faked it, as she seemed to fake so much of her life these days.  She didn’t want to seem ungrateful to her boyfriend and his sister, or make them feel like they were some lesser substitutes.  She would never be able to express how thankful she was for them taking her in.  They were just as much her family as anyone now.  It was an honor to be able to spend it with them, and just being with them did take away some of the pain.  Yet even sandwiched between the two of them on that old couch, she felt so lonely.

All she wanted to do was sleep during the few days that league activities were on hiatus.  She was feeling so weary that she nearly dozed off against Piers.  Right as she closed her eyes, planning to succumb to her exhaustion, the phone in her lap began to buzz.  Her hand emerged from beneath the blanket to take a look at who was trying to reach her.

“Oh!  Daddy’s calling!” she exclaimed, waking up immediately and wiggling out of Piers’s embrace.  “Excuse me.  I’ll be right back.”

“Tell ‘im we said ‘Hi,’” Piers said with a laugh.  He pulled the blanket away from her and she darted up.  There was a slight skip in her step as she took the phone into Piers’s room before answering it.

“Hi, Daddy!” Annais said.

“Hey there!  Sorry I missed your calls, princess,” her father said.  “Phone must’ve slipped outta my pocket when I was bringing folks back from the airport.  Found it in the truck just now.  What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing,” she said.  She wound up in Piers’s bathroom, closing the door so her conversation wouldn’t disturb them while they watched TV.  “I just wanted to see what you guys were up to…”

“Well, your mama’s family is already drivin’ me nuts an’ dinner isn’t even on the table yet,” he laughed.  “Wish you were here to keep me sane, Annie.”

She forced a laugh at that.  Her favorite part of the holidays had always been hanging close to her father, sipping eggnog as they observed the rest of the family.  It hurt her knowing that he missed it too.

“It’s certainly different without ya…  Everyone’s askin’ aboutcha.”

“Oh…”  She felt a lump form in her throat and tears prick her eyes.  She shook her head and decided to change the subject.  “Did y’all get my gifts I sent?”

“We did,” Wyatt confirmed.  “I wanted to tear ‘em open, but your mama is insisting we wait ‘til it’s just the two of us to open ‘em.  ‘M gonna try to convince ‘er to let us open ‘em tonight.”

“Call me when you open them,” she said.  If she couldn’t be there to watch them open the gifts, she at least wanted to hear their reactions.

“We certainly will…  How about you?  We sent a few packages your way, too.”

“No,” she sighed.  “I haven’t gotten anything yet.”

“Aw…  Well, mail’s slow ‘round here.  Just let us know when you get ‘em.”

She nodded despite the fact he couldn’t see her do it.  In her silence, he decided to carry the conversation.

“What’d Piers getcha?”

“I dunno yet,” she answered.  “Don’t even have an idea.  He won’t let us touch gifts until tomorrow.  Oh, he told me to tell you ‘Hi’ too.”

Wyatt chuckled heartily at this.  “Aw, well send ‘im my season’s greetings.  I reckon he’s like your mama when it comes to the presents.”

“Yeah, guess he is…”

Her father continued speaking, filling her in on all the most recent family gossip and everything she was currently missing out on by not being present.  As he continued, her heart sank further.  She seated herself on the bathroom floor, just listening to him, nodding, and trying her hardest not to break down.

“Ah, they’re callin’ me for dinner, Annie,” he said.  “You want me to pass the phone to your mama for a minute before we eat?”

“Can you tell her to call me later?  I’m sure she’s busy with the food right now anyway,” Annais replied.  Truthfully, she was hanging by a thread at the moment and feared if the call continued that she would break.  “Enjoy dinner for me.  Make sure to get at least two helpings of dressing in my honor.”

This earned a hearty laugh from her father.

“Will do.  Happy holidays, Annie.  Love ya.”

“Love you, too,” she said as the tears began to roll down her cheeks.  “Bye now.”

The waterworks amped up the moment the call ended.  She slipped her phone into her sweater and hugged her knees.  She needed just a few moments to compose herself before going back to Piers and Marnie.

After starting, she couldn’t stop crying.  Missing multiple holidays, stress, exhaustion, and loneliness had been piling up and gnawing at her for months but now refused to let her ignore them any longer.  She missed her father and mother so badly.  She wanted a real break so she could see them again.  She didn’t want Piers to see how distressed she was and she didn’t want to tell him why.  She’d probably just upset him if she brought it up because he missed his parents too.  The holidays had to be rough for him, but he was taking it like a champ.  She felt so stupid when she thought about how she was reacting compared to him; at least she had the chance to see her parents again.  That thought made her feel worse, justifying how she wanted to see them and be with them while she still had them.  She didn’t want to take them for granted.

The more she tried to stop so she could go back to the movie like nothing was wrong, the harder she sobbed.  Time passed without her realizing it.  One movie ended; another came on after it.  Piers knew that her conversations with her father were long, but usually not that long.  After telling Marnie he’d be right back, he went check on Annais.  She wasn’t on his bed or anywhere in his room.  He peeked his head into the bathroom, finding her like he expected.  He seated himself on the floor in front of her.  She was so wrapped up that she hadn’t even heard him come in.  She only lifted her head upon feeling his hand brush her arm.  She acted like she had seen a ghost upon seeing he was there with her.

“I’m sorry,” she said before he could speak.  She used her palms to shield her face.  “I’m ruining the holiday.  I’m trying not to, I’m sorry, Nez.”

“Oh, Annais…”  He took her wrists and guided her hands away from her.  His thumb stroked away the tears from under her eyes.  “Believe me, I understand.  This time of year sucks.”

He held his arms out, inviting her to allow him to comfort her.  She fell into his embrace.  Still unable to make herself stop, she wept against his chest.  He felt for her.  She’d mention before that she was sad that she couldn’t go back home.  He figured she was more upset that she was letting on today.  She participated, but was kind of quiet.

“Wanna know a secret?” he asked.

She nodded.

“‘M not usually this festive,” he admitted with a smile.  “I mean, I kinda am.  Been fakin’ it for Marnie for years an’ years.  Never wanted ‘er to feel like she was havin’ less than everyone else, y’know?  But I amped it up this year, hopin’ it’d cheer you up just a wee bit.”

The crying finally subsided as he talked to her.  Her arms linked behind his back and she gave him a squeeze of appreciation.

“Thank you, Nez,” she said.  “I know it might not look it seeing as you found me crying in the bathroom, but it really has helped some.  Thank you.”

“Of course,” he said, kissing her head.  “Wanna know another secret?”

This brought a smirk from her.  “Just full of secrets tonight, huh?”

He laughed.  “Guess I am.”

“Well?  What is it?”

“The other secret?” Piers asked, earning a nod from Annais.  “Fakin’ it for you an’ her has made it one of the best ones I’ve had.  I promise, you’re not ruinin’ anything by bein’ a little upset, Annais,” he assured her.  “Just spendin’ it with you has made it a blessin’.  You’re the gift that keeps on givin’.”

“Oh, hush…” she sniffled as her face grew bright red.

“I mean it, love.  An’ one day…  One day, one year…  You’re not gonna have to entertain the region anymore.  You’ll be free to come an’ go as you please,” he told her.  “If you haven’t run me off by then, we’ll go to Carolus to spend the holidays.  Every year, if you’d like.”

Annais laughed at him.  “More like, if you haven’t run me off for being a crybaby.”

“You’re not a crybaby,” said Piers.

He held her for a minute more as she evened her shallow breathing.  She had quit crying completely at this point, but hadn’t made any effort to pry herself away from him.

“Y’know,” he spoke again.  “Usually, when it’s still dark, before Marnie wakes up, I go to the cemetery each year to light candles.  Don’ like goin’ the night before…  Too many people are there then.”  She lifted her head and he glanced at her.  “Would you like to go with me in the mornin’?”

“Yes,” she said.  Annais gave him a reassuring smile and a nod.  “Of course.”

“Good.”  Piers went in for another hug, taking a moment to squeeze and rock her.  When he let her go, he reached behind him for the toilet tissue and passed it to her.  “Now, let’s wait ‘til Sis goes to sleep an’ I’ll make us some nog.  Sound good?”

“Oh, my God, yes,” she replied.  “Eggnog is the best part.”

“‘S my favorite too.  Let’s get movin’.  Sure Marn’s thinkin’ we’re in here bein’ gross.”