“God, I’ve been looking all over for you!” Amelie said as she found her boyfriend hanging out in her family’s barn of all places.

“Found me,” Ian laughed.  The woman punched him playfully.  It had been five long years since the Isla Nublar incident, when the two met and eventually started a relationship.  Amelie decided it was finally time for him to meet her family.  Unfortunately, the woman’s family was nothing at all like what he expected.  His very liberal ex-groupie girlfriend was the black sheep of a very conservative Christian family of farmers.  The pair of them stuck out like sore thumbs in her hometown.

“Can I ask what the hell you’re doing out here?” Amelie asked and took a seat on a bale of hay and patted the space beside her.

“I, ah, needed a little alone time.  Y’know.  Just needed some, uh, some fresh Wisconsin air.”

“Is this about what happened at dinner?” the sunset-haired woman asked, crossing her legs.

Ian smirked to himself and shook his head.  Yes, he wanted to get as far away from Amelie’s family as possible after what happened at dinner.  Reaching for the saltshaker when your girlfriend says “Pass the salt, daddy” to her actual father at the dinner table is bad enough.  It’s worse when your thirteen-year-old daughter is at the table and looking at the two of you in disbelief.

“I’m not exactly giving off the best first impression.  Your, your dad— he’s probably in there shining his guns right now,” said the chaotician.

“Don’t worry about them, they’re sticks in the mud anyway.  I didn’t bring you along to impress them, I brought you along to keep me sane during this whole ordeal,” she said as she ruffled his hair. “I promise I’ll make this up to you the moment we’re back in Texas, Daddy.”

“Funny,” Ian said.  Amelie nudged him and laughed, causing him to crack a smile.

“You know, we are alone right now.  The game is on, all the men are watching that and all the ladies are cleaning the kitchen,” Amelie said softly.

“Where’s JT?”

“Granny Helen took all the kids to the drive-in theater as a special treat.  We’re finally alone together.”  The woman pulled him in for a heated kiss.  When she broke the kiss, he could see the urgency and desire in her eyes.  “Ian, I can’t wait until we get back to Texas.  I think you deserve a little something right now.”

With a wicked smile, Amelie positioned herself between Ian’s legs and began to unzip his trousers.

“You’re not— Amelie, you’re not gonna do that right here are you?  In the barn?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t want it, Ian,” his girlfriend said, stroking his already erect member.

“Well, yeah, it’s ah, a little more than a little obvious that I want it but—"

“But shut your mouth and enjoy yourself for the first time on this trip.”

About that time, Jebediah Washington, the man Amelie’s mother wanted— still wants her to marry, was making his way to the Dixon household to deliver some fresh milk.  As he walked past the barn, he heard some strange noises coming from inside.  Being the good Samaritan that he is, he decided to take a look inside to make sure everything was alright.  Nothing could’ve prepared him for what he spotted.

His Christian upbringing told him to look away, but he was paralyzed by his curiosity.  Never in his 33 years of life had he seen anything like the display in front of him. His ‘Little Jeb’ felt strange at the sight of his childhood sweetheart (so he believed) taking the manhood of this tall stranger to her sweet lips.  His grip tightened on the milk jugs as he watched his precious Miss Amelie orally pleasure the man to release.  He glanced down and noticed the tent in his own overalls.  He wished she would work her black magic on him.  Did he really think that?  Yes.  Yes, he did.  He vowed to be the first at the altar this Sunday.

But wait!  They weren’t done yet!  The man had laid his little Amelie down, releasing her from her blouse.  She looked angelic as she lay there, her skin as smooth and white as fresh milk.  The man carefully undid her brassiere, exposing her generous D-cups to the cool Wisconsin air and began worshipping her body, planting hot kisses all over her chest. At this, Jebediah’s grip on the milk jugs loosened as he imagined his hands around HER soft, delicate milk jugs.  The glass bottles fell to the ground with a loud crash.

“Fuck!  Ian, what was that?” Amelie yelled, covering herself up.  Ian quickly scrambled off of his girlfriend and tried to stuff himself back in his pants.  If her parents hated him before they’d really hate him now.  Once his chaos maker was all tucked away, he jolted for the barn door and glanced outside.  There was no sign of anyone, just a puddle of milk and broken glass on the ground.  Amelie got dressed and joined Ian by the door.

“They left,” Ian said, matter-of-factly.

“Shit, I think it was only Jeb,” she whispered, running a hand through her tousled hair.

“How do you know?”

“He’s the only one that brings the family fresh milk.”

“Well, he’s gone now… if you wanna,” Ian salaciously whispered, grabbing Amelie at the waist.  She quickly smacked his hand away.

“Save it for Texas, Daddy,” she said with a smirk and headed back towards the house.