10/??/97

Fresh tracks mar the snow blanketing the ground outside my home.  I'd checked for them all day, looking each time I visited the mailbox.  Finally, a sign of life… A sign of you.  The only sane soul left in this wasteland of pestilence.  The lone angel of Paradise.  A saint disguised in the shroud of sin.  The way you present yourself and where you work are no secret to the masses.  I’ve heard the whispers when you pass by.  I’ve seen the lecherous stares the infected cast your way.  They might assume you’re a whore by outward appearances, but I see deeper.  I've witnessed the scraps you left out for strays… The change you’ve gifted to beggars…  Most of all, I see the way you smile at me in passing and feel the warmth residing within.  One of them couldn’t make me feel this way. 

This evening will be the night.  Tonight, we'll finally be one.  Destiny can no longer be avoided.  I've wasted enough of your time, so much that the days have bled together.  I hated to have kept you waiting, but I needed to be certain.  I had to know you weren’t sick, that they hadn’t gotten you too.  That voice in my head, the one that guides and protects, was certain of it.  He urges me to go to you.  He reminds me of every moment we’ve shared, however brief.  The smiles, the nods, the subtle half-waves even as distant as I’ve remained.  I’ll make it up to you.  I promise I will.

Armed to the teeth, I exit my home once again; though this time, I make it past the fence.  A breeze blows.  The leaves rustle.  My grip tightens on my sidearm as I glance over my shoulder.  Can’t let my guard down.  Not when I’m this close…

I follow your footsteps through the quiet neighborhood.  My own boots make prints in your snow to the side of the ones you’d left not long ago, giving the illusion of a pair walking through this cold, eerie world together.  Surely a metaphor of what awaits.  I soon stop at the threshold of your yard.  Doubt tries to seep into my mind, but the voice chides me.  This was no time to be a sissy.  You needed me as much as I needed you.  Further hesitation could grant the serpent of hate the chance to offer its treat to you.  We can’t afford to be apart in this pandemic anymore.  It’s not safe.

Despite the weight of exhaustion, my footfalls are light as I ascend the steps separating me from your front door.  Can’t let them hear me coming.  My fist comes up to knock, but his mocking laughter convinces me otherwise.  You’re expecting me.  We know you are.  Your smile was my invitation.  Knocking would only draw attention to us.

I grab the knob of your door.  It twists without protest.  You should have locked it, but I understand.  You needed me to join you as quickly as possible.  I can’t be too careless though.  I grip my piece tight as I step into the warmth of your domain, holding it up as I ease the door shut behind me.  I advance inside, peering around the wall to make certain you had no unwanted visitors.  None of them so far, but I can’t yet relax.  My ears lead me further inside and I find you in the kitchen, looking more ethereal than ever.  Your hair cascades down your back in damp crimson waves.  Your fair skin resembles porcelain.  The melody you hum is foreign yet familiar.  It settles my frantic nerves.  I exhale, breathing for what feels to be the first time in ages, and rest against the wall.  After an eternity of searching, I finally found sanctuary away from the sick and wicked.

Something shatters and I’m back on alert.  I scan the area for what startled you.  All I see is what was once a mug reduced to a pile of shards on the floor.  My eyes follow your form up until I’m looking right at you.  Your face is ghostly pale.  Inky black pupils swallow the emerald surrounding them.  A quivering hand clutches at your heart.  Your lips part, but words die in your throat.

This fear of yours pains me.  I step forward to comfort you, and you step back.  I sense your hesitation; I’ve felt it too.  Paradise has long been lost.  The infected walk among us, but I assure you I’m not like them.  Confusion joins terror in your eyes at my words.  There’s a slight shake to your head.  I get it.  I know better than anyone.  You’ll need more than words to convince you of the truth.

I abandon my weapon on the counter only to pull you into my arms.  It’s risky, I know, but I need you to feel that I’m real just as much as I need to feel you.  You’re stiff against me.  I squeeze you tight, hoping to stabilize you as you tremble.  Warmth floods me, melting the icy chill of fighting this war alone.  I press my lips to your crown, run my fingers through your silken strands, and bury my nose in your neck.  I inhale your scent like it’s the first lungful without pollution I’ve breathed in ages.  Your pulse races, as does mine.

He speaks to me again, startling me.  I was so engulfed by you that he had temporarily gone silent.  Without releasing you, I close my eyes to listen.  It was Eve that brought Adam out of paradise…  He says a taste from the woman that God gifted to us can be my escape from Paradise too, if only for a night. 

I pull away from you.  I cup your face, so beautiful when it’s bare like this.  Your skin is smooth like velvet beneath my thumbs.  I close the gap between us, feeling your lips on mine.  My hair curtains our tender moment from prying eyes.  You shift in my embrace, but I steady you.  You’re still shivering, and I can’t help but shudder myself.  At last, I feel something other than dread and paranoia.