Rick really couldn’t take this bitch anywhere.  He cut eyes over at her, shaking his head again as he saw her curled up in the passenger seat, clutching her middle.

“Y-Y-You… You alright over there, dumbass?” he asked.  He didn’t want it to sound like he was concerned about her.  He wasn’t.  He was irritated… and maybe a bit amused.  He had to admit, he liked the balls on this chick.  Wasn’t everyday you found someone from earth either stupid or self-destructive enough to could party like him.  Though, she might have been a little too reckless, considering that she had a clutch of Drebelite eggs gestating in her after last night’s orgy.  Fuck.  Rick honestly wished he could say he remembered how crazy that shit was, but the only things he had left to remember the night were the lines they snorted, the hazy vision of her getting crammed full of tentacles, and a nasty hangover.  “You know, I know, uh… I have a place where we can get you an abortion.  They just use… They use a laser to zap the things into goo.  Have to stay near a toilet for the following days though.”

Uni scoffed at this.

“I don’t want an abortion, Rick.  Especially not a… gooey one,” she said, scrunching her nose.

Rick rolled his eyes.

“Oh, please.  D-Don’t tell me you’re attached already.  We can’t keep ‘em.  O-O-One of those hatches on Earth and it’ll be less than a week before we’re infested.  They’ll absorb all the chlorophyll they can find and spread faster than kudzu, squirming their way into any— and I mean any— orifice they can find along the way and pumping them full of… w-w-whatever you got in you right now.”

“Pfft, as if,” she said.  “Do I look like the maternal type?  Please.  I can’t take care of a dog, let alone some unruly tentacle aliens.  It’s really not that deep, Rick.”

“Not that deep?  Then, why the fu— Oh.  Oh, my God.”  Her motives finally clicked, causing Rick to let out a laugh.  “Y-Y-You’re a… a filthy fucking pervert, you know that?”

“Uh-huh.  Takes one to know one.”

“Yeah.  It does.  Believe me.”  This new revelation caused him to dig his flask out of his pocket and take a long swig.  After burping and wiping his mouth with his wrist, he pointed at her.  “Word of advice.  Don’t know what, uhh… hentai or whatever they call it you’ve seen that’s got all in your head, but laying eggs isn’t as hot as you think.”

He was proud of himself for not shuddering as he said it, because his urethra hurt just thinking about it.

“I can’t imagine that it would be as a man,” she said and held out her hand.

Rick looked down at her outstretched hand and held the flask closer to his chest.  “The hell do you think you want?  Aren’t you pregnant o-or something?”

Uni groaned, then reached over to snatch the flask.  Rick’s ship swerved a little as he yanked it away with a laugh.  He eventually twisted the top back on and tossed it in her direction.

“Go on.  You’re gonna need it.  These… These next few days are gonna be fucking brutal.  A-And don’t fucking say I didn’t warn you.”

After juggling the flask that had been thrown in her direction, she tipped it back for a sip, then looked over at him.  “Yeah?” she asked, voice slightly raspy as the liquor burned going down.  “Enlighten me.  What should I expect?”

That cackle from Rick should have scared her off, but they both understood she was too depraved for her own good.

“Well, where do you want me to start?” he said.  “Those things are probably pea sized right now.  You probably can’t even feel ‘em, but give it a week and they’ll be about the size of my fist.”

Rick held said fist up for reference.  Her expression didn’t falter.  She’d had it inside of her before, so the size didn’t faze her.

“About fifteen of ‘em in there if you’re lucky,” he continued, making her raise a brow.

“And if I’m not lucky?”

“In the ballpark of thirty…  Or, uh… considering the number of, uh… ‘partners’ you took…  Might even be double that.”

She shifted in her seat, trying to imagine sixty or so fist sized eggs inside of her.  She brought the flask to her lips again and took a few gulps before sitting it between them, making Rick beam in satisfaction.

“T-They’re hardshell too, just so you know.  G-G-Gotta be careful not to move around too much.  One wrong move— just the tiiiiniest bit of pressure on this…”  He paused to belch and pat her soft middle, smirking with the gratification of knowing that in a few days, it would be taut and bumpy, so full of firm eggs that her skin would probably be almost translucent.  “And you’ll have an unruly mass of squirming tentacles forcing their way out of you.  And believe me, those are far more fun going in than coming out.”

Uni knocked his hand away, before folding her arms over her chest and glancing out the window into space.  Rick didn’t miss that little hint of pink on her cheeks, causing him to roll his eyes.

“So, you done trying to impress me, yet?” he asked.  “The window for zapping the bastards before they get too big is dwindling fast.  Once that shell hardens, they’re gonna have to be passed.  It’s gonna completely wreck t-that tight little—”

“No one’s trying to impress you, gramps,” she cut him off.  “I said I’m not aborting them.  So, how about you take me somewhere where I can squeeze these things out in peace and then you can blast them or smash them with a hammer or something when they make it out before they hatch.”

Rick gave her a pointed stare, before a grin cracked on his face.

“Jesus,” he chuckled as he reached down to adjust himself.  Fuck, the idea of her pushing a clutch of slimy eggs, writhing and sweating and moaning while they stretch her out should not be this appealing.  “You’re a reeeeal sick fucking bitch.”

Her eyes flicked down to his bulge before shaking her head.